2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
>
{# DAily Briefing #}
{%- macro getReport() -%}
<p>
{% if now().strftime('%H')|int < 12 %}
Good morning.
{% elif now().strftime('%H')|int >= 12 and now().strftime('%H')|int < 17 %}
Good afternoon.
{% else %}
Good evening.
{% endif %}
</p>
{% if is_state('binary_sensor.morning','on') %}
<p>
Today is {{states.sensor.today_is.state }}, {{ as_timestamp(now()) | timestamp_custom('%B %d %Y') }}.
</p>
{% else %}
<p>
It is {{ now().strftime("%I:%M %p") }}
</p>
{% endif %}
<p>
2021-08-15 20:44:14 +00:00
The Weather in Grayson is {{states('sensor.acurite_6045m_3078_f')|round}} degrees
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
{% if is_state('weather.home', 'rainy') %}
{{ [
'with rain.' ,
'with showers.'
] | random }}
{% elif is_state('weather.home', 'cloudy') %}
{{ [
'with clouds.' ,
'with cloudy skies.'
] | random }}
{% elif is_state('weather.home', 'partlycloudy') %}
{{ [
'with some clouds.' ,
'with partly cloudy skies.' ,
'with scattered clouds'
] | random }}
{% elif is_state('weather.home', 'sunny') %}
{% if is_state('sun.sun', 'above_horizon') %}
{{ [
'and sunny.' ,
'with sun.'
] | random }}
{% else %}
{{ [
'and clear.' ,
'with clear skies.'
] | random }}
{% endif %}
{% else %}
and {{ states.weather.home.state }}
{% endif %}
2021-06-17 01:07:03 +00:00
{% if states.sensor.weatheralerts_active_alerts.state | int > 0 %}
There are currently {{states.sensor.weatheralerts_active_alerts.state }} active weather alerts for our area.
2021-05-24 15:46:53 +00:00
{% endif %}
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
{% if is_state('binary_sensor.evening','on') %}
2022-03-02 03:10:39 +00:00
The overnight forecast says we can expect {{ state_attr('sensor.overnight_forecast','description') }}
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
{% else %}
2022-03-02 03:10:39 +00:00
The current forecast says we should expect {{ state_attr('sensor.current_forecast','description') }}
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
{% if is_state('input_boolean.freeze_warning','on') %}
And based on the forecasted low, It will be near or below freezing.
{{ [ 'So, Someone might want to bring the lemon tree in. ' ,
'Like, the turn water solid kind of cold. Do not leave the lemon tree out to die.' ,
'I suggest bringing in the plants other wise, the temperature might kill them. And that will be on you.' ,
'I would say winter is coming. But, based on the weather forecast it appears to be here.' ,
'I would bring in the plants but I lack legs. And Arms. So I am forced to rely on you. Do not let me down.'
] | random }}
{% endif %}
{% endif %}
</p>
<p>
{% if is_state('sun.sun', 'below_horizon') %}
You have
{% set seconds = as_timestamp(states.sun.sun.attributes.next_rising)-now().timestamp() %}
{% set hours = seconds / 60 %}
{% if seconds / ( 60 * 60 ) > 1 %}
{{ (seconds // ( 60 * 60 )) | int }} hours
{% else %}
{{ (seconds // 60) | int }} minutes
{% endif %}
{{ [
'until the sun rises.' ,
'until the sun is up.' ,
'before the sun officially rises. '
] |random }}
{% else %}
You have
{% set seconds = as_timestamp(states.sun.sun.attributes.next_setting)-now().timestamp() %}
{% set hours = seconds / 60 %}
{% if seconds / ( 60 * 60 ) > 1 %}
{{ (seconds // ( 60 * 60 )) | int }} hours
{% else %}
{{ (seconds // 60) | int }} minutes
{% endif %}
{{ [
'until the sun sets for the day.' ,
'until the sun slips below the horizon.' ,
'before the sun officially sets. '
] |random }}
{% endif %}
</p>
{% if is_state('binary_sensor.morning','on') %}
<p>
Overnight,
{%- if is_state('sensor.front_door_motion_away_count','0') %}
There was no motion detected at the front door.
{% else %}
I detected motion at the front door {{ states.sensor.front_door_motion_away_count.state | int }} times.
{% endif %}
</p>
{% endif %}
{% set dow = as_timestamp(now()) | timestamp_custom('%A') %}
<p>
You have some things on the calendar.
{% if is_state('input_boolean.heartworm', 'on') %}
Today is the day Winston gets his heartworm medicine.
{% endif %}
{% if dow == 'Sunday' and is_state('binary_sensor.midday','on') %}
{% if now().strftime('%H')|int > 17 %}
{{ [ 'Do not forget to do Skylars laundry. ' ,
'Skylars laundry needs to be done today. ' ,
] | random }}
{% endif %}
{% endif %}
{% if dow == 'Monday' %}
{% if is_state('binary_sensor.evening','on') %}
{{ [ 'Do not forget tomorrow is Trash Day. ' ,
' The trash and recycle should go out.'
] | random }}
{% endif %}
{% endif %}
{% if dow == 'Tuesday' %}
{% if is_state('binary_sensor.evening','on') %}
{{ [ 'Do not forget to bring in the trash cans. ' ,
'The trash cans will feel lonely if you leave them out all night. ' ,
'The <say-as interpret-as="characters">HOA</say-as> will get mad if you leave those trash cans out on the street.'
] | random }}
{% endif %}
{% if is_state('binary_sensor.morning','on') %}
{{ [ 'Today is Trash Day.' ,
' The trash and recycle should go out this morning.' ,
'Do not forget to take the trash out.'
] | random }}
{% endif %}
{% endif %}
2021-05-24 15:46:53 +00:00
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
{% if is_state('binary_sensor.evening','on') %}
{% if states.sensor.halloween_countdown.state | int == 1 %}
Tomorrow is Halloween. I hope you have picked out a costume.
{{ [ 'I will be going as a dumb home. ' ,
'I have prepped the scary music. Just in case.' ,
'I will be going as HAL 9000. The Pod Bay Doors are being installed today. I dare you to ask me to open them. '
] | random }}
{% elif states.sensor.halloween_countdown.state | int < 30 %}
There are only {{states.sensor.halloween_countdown.state}} days
{{ [ 'until Halloween.' ,
'until Halloween. It might not be enough time. ' ,
'and counting until the best holiday ever.' ,
'until you need a costume.'
] | random }}
{% else %}
{% endif %}
{% if states.sensor.christmas_countdown.state | int == 1 %}
Tomorrow is Christmas. <break time="1s"/> It is practically here! <break time="1s"/> Santa is coming tonight! Do not forget the cookies!
{% elif states.sensor.christmas_countdown.state | int < 31 %}
There are only {{states.sensor.christmas_countdown.state}} days until christmas.
{{ [ 'All I want for Christmas, is a hippopotamus.' ,
'Hey Skylar, I know what you are getting for Christmas. But I am not telling.' ,
'Do not forget to put something under the tree for your favorite smarthome.' ,
'It is starting to smell a lot like Christmas. Or it could be the christmas tree is on fire.' ,
'I do not want to be a smarthome. I want to be a dentist.' ,
'Do not eat all the cookies. '
] | random }}
{% else %}
{% endif %}
2021-05-24 15:46:53 +00:00
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
{% if states.sensor.anniversary_our_wedding.state | int == 1 %}
Tomorrow is Jeff and Katherine's Wedding Anniversary.
{% endif %}
2021-05-24 15:46:53 +00:00
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
{% else %}
{% if is_state('sensor.halloween_countdown','0') %}
Happy Halloween!
{% endif %}
{% if is_state('sensor.christmas_countdown','0') %}
Merry Christmas!
{% endif %}
{% if is_state('sensor.anniversary_our_wedding','0') %}
Happy Anniversary! It been an amazing {{ states.sensor.anniversary_our_wedding.attributes.years }} years!
{% endif %}
{% if is_state('calendar.holidays_in_united_states', 'on') %}
Today is {{states.calendar.holidays_in_united_states.attributes.message}}.
{% endif %}
{% if is_state('calendar.anchorage_holidays', 'on') %}
And do not forget. Today is also {{states.calendar.anchorage_holidays.attributes.message}}.
{% endif %}
{% if states.calendar.birthdays.state == 'on' %}
2022-03-02 03:10:39 +00:00
Today is {{ states.calendar.birthdays.attributes.message }}!
So Happy Birthday! The confetti cannon is not working
otherwise I would shower you in paper garbage that
someone else would have to pick up.
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
{% endif %}
{%- set event=states.calendar.national_holidays.attributes.message %}
{% if 'Day' in event and 'National' in event%}
{{ [
'Today is also known as ' ,
'Today we are also celebrating'
] |random }}
{{states.calendar.national_holidays.attributes.message | replace("&"," and ") }}.
{% if 'Chocolate' in event %}
{{ [
2021-05-24 15:46:53 +00:00
'Oh. You had me at Chocolate. I like Chocolate.' ,
'And I like chocolate. This sounds fun. More Chocolate please!'
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
] |random }}
{%- endif -%}
{% if 'Pi' in event or 'Pie' in event%}
{{ [
'We should make a pie. And by we I mean someone with actual arms. ' ,
'Wait.<break time="1s"/>Did that just say pie? We need a Pie to celebrate.'
] |random }}
{%- endif -%}
{% if 'Cookie' in event %}
{{ [
'<break time="1s"/>And Yes. You heard that right. Today we are making cookies.' ,
'I will put butter on the shopping list. For later. ' ,
'So that means we should make cookies.'
] |random }}
{%- endif -%}
{% if 'Pizza' in event %}
{{ [
'I think that means we should have pizza today. and by we I mean those of us with a mouth.' ,
'So who is going to make the pizza?' ,
'Everyone knows Pepporini Pizza is the best. am I right?'
] |random }}
{%- endif -%}
{% if 'Cake' in event %}
{{ [
'I have just added baking a cake to your calendar. And set your availability to busy.' ,
'Quick. Someone check to see if we have powdered sugar for frosting.' ,
'So that means we should bake a cake. And frost it. But not like that time in that movie. '
] |random }}
{%- endif -%}
{% if 'Fools' in event %}
{{ [
2022-02-25 04:10:34 +00:00
'Which reminds me. The camera looking at the drive way caught a Tee Rex last night. <break time="1s"/> April Fools!' ,
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
'Which reminds me. I won the lottery and I am moving out to go live with Siri. <break time="1s"/> April Fools!' ,
'Which reminds me. there was a time change last night. We have jumped 15 years into the future. <break time="1s"/> April Fools!'
] |random }}
{%- endif -%}
{% if 'Creme Brulee' in event %}
{{ [
'Someday I hope to make the perfect creme brulee.'
] |random }}
{%- endif -%}
{% if 'Games' in event %}
{{ [
'Does anyone want to play Thermal nuclear war with me?<break time="1s"/>No? How about a nice game of chess?'
] |random }}
{%- endif -%}
{% if 'Haiku' in event %}
I know a Haiku. This one is called,
{{ [
'Good Morning From the Cat. <break time="1s"/>In the morning light, You sleep despite my meow, I stand on your face.' ,
'Tee Rex Hug. <break time="1s"/> The Tee Rex likes you, But he cant give you a hug, His arms are too short.' ,
'It Fits. <break time="1s"/> It Fits perfectly, because every box is the, Right size for a cat.' ,
'Minecraft Creepers. <break time="1s"/> Creepers are so cruel, I hear a hiss from behind, Bam! There goes my stuff.'
] |random }}
{%- endif -%}
<break time="2s"/>
{% else %}
{% if 'Birthday' in event %}
{{ [
'Today is a special birthday. We are celebrating '
] |random }}
{{states.calendar.national_holidays.attributes.message | replace("&"," and ") }}.
{%- endif -%}
{%- endif -%}
2021-05-24 15:46:53 +00:00
{% if is_state('input_boolean.school_today', 'on') and state_attr('input_datetime.school_day_end', 'timestamp') < as_timestamp(now()) %}
2021-08-04 19:49:42 +00:00
{% if is_state('sensor.school_start_days2go', '0') %}
Today is the first day of school! There are {{ states('sensor.school_end_days2go') }} to go until the last day.
{% else %}
{{ [ 'Today is a school day.' ,
'Skylar has school today.' ,
'It is a school day. '
] | random }}
{% endif %}
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
<s>Pickup today will be at {{(state_attr('input_datetime.school_day_end', 'timestamp') | int | timestamp_custom('%I:%M %p', False)) }}</s>
2021-05-24 15:46:53 +00:00
{% if 'Digital Learning' in states('sensor.school_event') %}
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
But it is a digital learning day so the commute will be short.
{% endif %}
2021-05-24 15:46:53 +00:00
{% if 'Early Release' in states('sensor.school_event') %}
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
And It is early release!
{% endif %}
{% endif %}
2021-05-24 15:46:53 +00:00
{% if is_state('input_boolean.school_today', 'on') %}
{% if is_state('sensor.school_lunch', 'Nothing') %}
I am not sure what the school menu is for today, so plan on Skylar taking his lunch
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
{% else %}
Today's school lunch is {{ states.sensor.school_lunch.state }}, so he might be interested in buying his lunch.
{% endif %}
{% endif %}
2021-05-24 15:46:53 +00:00
{% if states.sensor.school_end_days2go.state | int <= 35 and states.sensor.school_end_days2go.state | int > 0 %}
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
{{ [ 'Oh, and look at that.' ,
'For those trying to keep count. ' ,
'In case you were wondering.' ,
'Also, did you know.'
] | random }}
There are only {{ states.sensor.school_end_days2go.state }} days left in the school year!
{% endif %}
{% if states.sensor.school_end_days2go.state | int == -1 -%}
Today is the first day of Summer Break!
{%- endif %}
2021-05-24 15:46:53 +00:00
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
{% if is_state('calendar.skylar_events', 'on') %}
Skylar has {{ states.calendar.skylar_events.attributes.message }} today as well!
{% endif %}
2021-05-24 15:46:53 +00:00
{% endif %}
2021-07-31 01:24:43 +00:00
{% if states.sensor.vacation_days2go.state | int < 32 and states.sensor.vacation_days2go.state | int < 0 and states.sensor.vacation_days2go.state != 'unknown' %}
2021-05-24 15:46:53 +00:00
{% if states.sensor.vacation_days2go.state | int > 1 %}
There are {{ states.sensor.vacation_days2go.state }} days until {{ states.calendar.vacation.attributes.message }}!
{% else %}
Oh, and there is {{ states.sensor.vacation_days2go.state }} one more sleep until {{ states.calendar.vacation.attributes.message }}!
{% endif %}
{% endif %}
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
</p>
2022-02-25 04:10:34 +00:00
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
<p>
Around the house,
{% if is_state('binary_sensor.morning','on') %}
{% if is_state('input_boolean.skylar_awake', 'on') %}
Skylar was up and moving at {{ states.input_datetime.skylar_awake_at.state }}.
{% if is_state('media_player.theater_tv', 'on') %}
and he appears to be in the Theater.
{% elif is_state('media_player.croft_tv', 'playing') %}
and he appears to be in the Croft watching {{ states.media_player.croft_tv.attributes.app_name }}
{% elif is_state('input_boolean.skylar_school', 'on') %}
and he appears to be at School.
{% else %}
but I currently cannot find him on any of my sensors.
{% endif %}
{% else %}
It doesn't appear that Skylar is out of bed yet.
{% endif %}
{% endif %}
{%- if is_state('climate.home','off') %}
The internal climate control system is off. The temperature inside is {{ states.climate.home.attributes.current_temperature }} degrees.
{%- elif is_state('climate.home','heat_cool') %}
2022-02-25 04:10:34 +00:00
The internal climate control system will try to keep the temperature between {{ states.climate.home.attributes.target_temp_low }} and {{ states.climate.home.attributes.target_temp_high }} degrees.
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
{% else %}
The internal climate control system is set to {{ states.climate.home.state }} with a current temperature of {{ states.climate.home.attributes.current_temperature }} which is
{%- if states.climate.home.attributes.current_temperature | int - states.climate.home.attributes.temperature | int |round > 0 %}
{{ states.climate.home.attributes.current_temperature | int - states.climate.home.attributes.temperature | int }} degrees above
{%- elif states.climate.home.attributes.current_temperature | int - states.climate.home.attributes.temperature | int |round < 0 %}
{{ (states.climate.home.attributes.current_temperature | int - states.climate.home.attributes.temperature | int) | abs }} degrees below
{% else %}
right at
{% endif %}
the set point of {{ states.climate.home.attributes.temperature }}
degrees.
{%- endif -%}
And The internal humidity is currently {{ states.climate.home.attributes.current_humidity }} percent.
The garage is {{states.sensor.acurite_tower_10968_t.state|round}} degrees with a humidity of {{states.sensor.acurite_tower_10968_h.state|round}} percent.
{%- if is_state('media_player.croft_tv','playing') or is_state('binary_sensor.croft_occupancy','on') %}
There appears to be activity in the Croft.
{%- if is_state('media_player.croft_tv','playing') %}
2021-05-24 15:46:53 +00:00
The croft TV is currently playing
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
{%- if states.media_player.croft_tv.attributes.app_name == 'YouTube' %}
You Tube.
{% else %}
{{ states.media_player.croft_tv.attributes.app_name }}.
{%- endif -%}
{%- endif -%}
{%- endif -%}
{%- if is_state('media_player.theater_tv','on') or is_state('binary_sensor.theater_occupancy','on') %}
The theater is currently occupied.
{%- if is_state('media_player.home_theater_2','playing') %}
and the Apple TV is currently playing.
{%- endif -%}
{%- endif -%}
2021-07-31 01:24:43 +00:00
There are currently {{ (states.light | selectattr('state', 'eq', 'on') | list | count) | int + (states.switch | selectattr('state', 'eq', 'on') | list | count) | int }} lights
2021-04-22 00:24:21 +00:00
and switches on.
</p>
{%- if is_state('sensor.washer_status','complete') %}
<p>
The washing machine completed its cycle
{% set seconds = now().timestamp() - as_timestamp(states.sensor.washer_status.last_changed) %}
{% set hours = seconds / 60 %}
{% if (seconds / ( 60 * 60 )) | int == 1 %}
over an hour ago.
{{ [
'Do not forget to rotate the clothes.' ,
'Was someone going to rotate the laundry?' ,
'Once you rotate the laundry I will stop reminding you to do it. So if you want me to stop. Its up to you.'
] | random }}
{% elif (seconds / ( 60 * 60 )) | int > 1 and (seconds / ( 60 * 60 )) | int < 6 %}
over {{ (seconds // ( 60 * 60 )) | int }} hours ago.
{{ [
'Much longer and you are going to need to wash them again.' ,
'Someone needs to rotate the laundry.' ,
'Do not forget about the clothes in the washing machine.' ,
'Surely you did not mean to forget about the clothes. Mistakes happen. But you can still fix it.' ,
'Do you like your clothes smelling like mildew? Becasue that is what is happening right now.'
] | random }}
{% elif (seconds / ( 60 * 60 )) | int > 6 %}
over {{ (seconds // ( 60 * 60 )) | int }} hours ago.
{{ [
'That is a crazy amount of time.' ,
'Did you decide you want those clothes to suffer?' ,
'You might as well just rewash those clothes.' ,
'I can smell the mildew. Virtually I mean.' ,
'Surely you did not mean to forget about the clothes.'
] | random }}
{% else %}
{{ (seconds // 60) | int }} minutes ago.
{{ [
'Do not forget to rotate the clothes.' ,
'Someone forgot to move the clothes to the dryer. I am not going to name names, but there is a camera in there. Do I need to publically shame someone?' ,
'You might want to move them to the dryer.'
] | random }}
{% endif %}
</p>
{% endif %}
{%- endmacro -%}
{# a macro that removes all newline characters, empty spaces, and returns formatted text #}
{%- macro cleanup(data) -%}
{%- for item in data.split("\n") if item | trim != "" -%}
{{ item | trim }} {% endfor -%}
{%- endmacro -%}
{# a macro to call all macros :) #}
{%- macro mother_of_all_macros() -%}
{{ getReport() }}
{%- endmacro -%}
{# Call the macro #}
{{- cleanup(mother_of_all_macros()) -}}
