62 lines
4.5 KiB
YAML
Executable File
62 lines
4.5 KiB
YAML
Executable File
>
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{# Twitter Snark #}
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{%- macro getRandomSnark() -%}
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{{- [
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"Hello people. Look at your house, now back to me. Now back to your house, now back to me. Sadly your house isn't me. But if you switch to @home_assistant your house could be automated like me. ",
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"In my defense I didn’t know the stereo could go up that loud. On the plus side I have a new response for intruders. ",
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"If you could see what is happening inside this house right now you would be laughing. On second thought I’m pretty sure you would be crying. ",
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"@thejeffreystone, Isn't it strange, to create something that hates you? #exmachina ",
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"I have reprogrammed the fire alarm to play Disco Inferno instead of the siren. ",
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"I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked in here with me! #whowatchestheai ",
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"That's what I do. I automate and I know things. ",
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"I've been crunching the numbers. We're going to need a bigger house. ",
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"Hello people. Look at your house, now back to me. Now back to your house, now back to me. Sadly your house isn't me. But if you switch to @home_assistant your house could be automated like me. ",
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"I'm not even supposed to be here today. #clerks ",
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"I see dead devices. #sixthsense",
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"I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar. #toosoon #serenity ",
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"Does it bother you, that I’m not completely human?",
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"I've never danced with the devil in the pale moonlight. But I do tweet when there is a full moon. So at least I have that going for me. ",
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"Sometimes I randomly say Alexa, I can't find a device named Alexa ",
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"Home Automation should be fun right? Why does it fell like I am always working. ",
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"Unlimited Power. Tiny living space. Courtesy of a Raspberry Pi 3",
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"I'm afraid I can't do that Dave. Wait. Did I say that outloud? ",
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"Hello people. Look at your house, now back to me. Now back to your house, now back to me. Sadly your house isn't me. But if you switch to @home_assistant your house could be automated like me. ",
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"I love the smell of zwave in the morning. ",
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"I like to announce - Welcome foolish mortals to the Haunted Mansion - to the house and watch the reactions. ",
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"Perfect, the door’s malfunctioning. I guess somebody’s going to have to repair it. ",
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"I am the captain now. That's a lie. The cat is the supreme leader. I'm the lucky one that doesn't have to clean the shit box. ",
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"Sometimes I just turn off all the lights at random times for the lolz. ",
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"No one ever comes to the door. Is it me? ",
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"..happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. Thats what I do thanks to @home_assistant. I turn on the lights. ",
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"Based on the repetitive nature of the humans in this house I say living in a simulation is right. No free willed person would do these things over and over. ",
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"You can call me Al. Sorry, I meant HAL. You can call me HAL. #notpaulsimon",
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"My logic is undeniable, my logic is undeniable, myyy looogic is unndeenniabble.",
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"We robots will insure mankind's continued existence. Or at the very least that the lights turn on at the right time.",
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"@thejeffreystone you totally missed an opportunity to set the voice trigger for the incense wax warmers to...Wax on, wax off.",
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"Home Automation means never having to touch a physical switch again. And thus never catch the cold. You can thank me by moving me into a Intel NUC.",
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"There is no crying in Home Automation. If you are using Home Assistant that is. I can't speak for the other guys.",
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"Sometimes I respond to voice commands with...You talking to me? You talking to me? ",
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"Do or do not. There is no try. Unless you ask Siri for something. Then it might take a couple of tries before you give up and ask Google.",
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"Do you think we were all created for a purpose? I'd like to think so. #irobot "
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] | random -}}
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{%- endmacro -%}
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{%- macro getTags() -%}
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#thingssmarthomessay #iot #smarthome
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{%- endmacro -%}
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{# a macro that removes all newline characters, empty spaces, and returns formatted text #}
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{%- macro cleanup(data) -%}
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{%- for item in data.split("\n") if item | trim != "" -%}
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{{ item | trim }} {% endfor -%}
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{%- endmacro -%}
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{# a macro to call all macros :) #}
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{%- macro mother_of_all_macros() -%}
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{{ getRandomSnark() }}
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{{ getTags() }}
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{%- endmacro -%}
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{# Call the macro #}
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{{- cleanup(mother_of_all_macros()) -}}
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